Last week, I pulled out my 2020 planner. I’m old school, so it’s on paper. My bookmark was still on March 12, the day the world began to shut down as the pandemic began.
I slowly turned each page, noting every goal I had let slip and appointment that had been missed. I saw the flight numbers written down for an international trip I had earned with my business. I saw recitals and birthday parties. I saw the dates for a conference I had planned to attend in Arizona.
I felt sad for a moment, but after the sadness passed, I got angry. Mostly at myself.
If you’re an Enneagram-er (it’s a word, right?), you should know I’m about as solidly 3 as they come. In times of stress, threes don’t exactly, well, thrive. Our normal ambition and drive to succeed kind of breaks. We become apathetic, disengaged, and basically paralyzed. We can’t see a way to excel, so we just do nothing. (It’s really healthy.)
And for the last four months, I’ve been exactly those things. Hiding. Pretending. Stuck.
I’ve found myself begging God to make time move faster so I can just get through this stupid virus, get back to “normal,” and move on from all of this. Get back to living my way.
After a little self-reflection and digging, I think I’ve realized where my anger came from: I haven’t allowed myself to dream this year.
It’s a New World
Here’s the thing. If the last 18+ weeks taught me anything, it is that this virus isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Safety is still of the utmost importance; hear me on that. But at some point, we have to pull our heads out of the sand, put our big girl pants back on, and slowly meander ourselves back into this strange new world we’re living in.
We have to get back to plans…to goals…to dreaming.
So, today, I’m going to let my Enneagram 3 shine in all its glory. Today, I will revisit and revise some of my 2020 vision and goals. Dare I say it…I’m going to tell COVID-19 to take a hike and DREAM again.
But My Life Looks Different Now
The dream I have for the second half of 2020 is nothing like the dream I had on January 1. My goals have changed. Like many of you, I’ve had to pivot my business, my parenting, and my plans. And that’s okay.
But pandemic or no pandemic, for the sake of our mental health, mamas, we have to do this. And just because our lives look different doesn’t mean they can’t still be good.
Where Do I Start?
So, let’s get super practical because for most of you, it’s been a hot second since you’ve dared to do something like this. Where do you even begin?
For me, it’s starts with a good old pen and paper and a little imagination. I ask myself A LOT of questions. I imagine the younger version of myself and what made her happy. I try to remember who I wanted to be before the responsibilities and cares of the world got in the way. Try hard not to censor yourself or minimize your dream because it’s impractical in today’s current reality.
And most importantly, I write it down. I personally tape it up somewhere I can see it regularly. It keeps me grounded when things get heavy.
So, will you join me today? Do it and see how it boosts your spirits. Do it for you. I dare you.
