My dear husband,
When we got married, you didn’t know I had depression. I didn’t know I had depression. We wouldn’t know I had depression until I became pregnant with our first child. Then everything changed in more ways than one.
![wedding photo with husband and wife](https://collincountymoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Untitled-design-1.png)
You and I always wanted children together. It was something we talked about for years and looked forward to. So when I got that positive pregnancy test while both of us were still in grad school, we were elated. Everything seemed like it was going perfectly.
Then when the second trimester hit, I started feeling awful all the time. I had morning sickness in the first trimester, but this was different. I cried a lot, and felt extreme dread at the thought of going anywhere. I was consumed by darkness and couldn’t see past it no matter how hard I tried. I felt hopeless. I felt defeated.
This was not the girl you married.
One day I noticed you kneeling in prayer on my behalf, and I realized what I had been going through wasn’t just affecting me. It was affecting you, too. I wasn’t able to be a true partner to you. I was not well. I felt a lot of shame for putting you through this.
But you only thought of me. You did everything you could to help me weather this storm. You were a constant, steady source of support during this time.
Thanks to your encouragement, I got help from my doctor. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do: to admit that I was not okay. But you were right by my side, holding my hand as I took that first step.
I started to feel better and more like myself again over time. My pregnancy went relatively smoothly after that and we were able to happily bring home a healthy baby. Life was good.
![mom with newborn experiencing perinatal depression and postpartum depression](https://collincountymoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Untitled-design-2-1.png)
In the years since then, there have been ups and downs. Depression would return during our next two pregnancies as well as postpartum. Medications needed adjusting. I started therapy. Anxiety steadily increased with each passing year until I was diagnosed with that, as well. A lot has changed, but your unwavering support has not.
Even now that we are done having children, depression and anxiety continue to be a part of my story. A part of our story. It is likely that this will be something I always struggle with. You didn’t sign up for the stress of a spouse with mental illness. But you have loved me through the worst. And for that I feel so incredibly lucky.
The promises we made to each other on our wedding day mean more now than they did back then, because I have a better understanding of their significance. After all we’ve been through, you’ve showed me what love really means.
I can’t fully understand the strength it takes to be the emotional rock in our marriage, but I can say thank you.
Thank you for loving me through depression. Thank you…for loving ME.
![married couple kissing](https://collincountymoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/marriage5.png)