In the past couple of weeks, I’ve made a sharp right turn in my personal life as a way to un-busy myself, and hence, lessen my stress. It has not been easy, but it became 100% necessary.

Over the past five years, I’ve embarked on some major life happenings that have taken quite a toll on my physical health. I started, and am now finishing a doctoral program, I’ve grown my private group counseling practice by 100%, and I wrote a book. Then, in the very middle of all of that, my mother died suddenly and unexpectedly, and I found myself immersed in a two-year grief battle. For a counselor that talks about self care and mental wellness with some degree of regularity, I found I’d suddenly entered the world of hypocrisy for not being able to “walk the talk.”

The silver lining here is that I’m able to give myself regular pep talks, and I don’t let myself get too down about the things I cannot control. However, because my stress level has been at an all-time high, and I felt like my kids needed me more than I was giving to them, I have made some major transitions to my personal life in an effort to un-busy myself, to have more calm and peace.

What I’ve Done to Un-Busy Myself

1. Get super clear on priorities. It wasn’t hard for me to see that what really mattered to me are really only a fourth of what I’ve been putting my energy into. Out of my life, I want to spend quality time with my kids and husband, and I want to make enough money to travel. I mean, don’t we all? But seriously, I decided that if I had to live in a tent eating Beanie Weenies out of a can everyday, I’d much rather do that than working myself to death trying to keep up with the Joneses.
2. Say no more often. I’m the person who has bent over backwards trying to be all things to all people, and you know who suffers? Me. My family. I made the very conscious decision to say no more often so I could have the time to step back and only engage in my priorities. This can hurt your social life because people stop asking when you don’t show up, but the bottom line is, I’d much rather be in my PJs having a movie night with popcorn than hob-nobbing with people I barely know.
3. Set strict time limits. Even though I love hanging out with family at home more than anything, I do love getting time away with friends. However, I set strict time limits for how long I’m going to be somewhere. Furthermore, I won’t go at all if I haven’t gotten my family time in. They are the priority, so I’m setting boundaries about how much time I’m willing to spend away from them.
4. Make time for numero uno (me). Ultimately, I am my priority, and I’m the only one that’s going to treat me as such. As a true introvert, I get a refuel by going within and powering down. I put myself into slow gear, curl up in a blanket, and press play on the sappiest, corniest movies I can find as a way to numb out and give my insides the break they need. Along these lines, I’ve been strict about my work schedule more than I’ve ever been. I won’t take on more clients that I have the capacity for (which is something I’ve never, ever done), and I’m no longer working past the hour in which my kids finish school. I’ve decided meeting them at the playground is therapy for them, and I’d rather be doing that than therapy with someone else. The payoff is way higher. Plus, I’m cultivating space for me during power-down time. I already meditate and journal almost everyday, but now I’m not rushed trying to fit it in, and I’m intentional with my time.
5. Exercise my choices. Being busy is a choice, just as having downtime is a choice. Saying no is a choice, and meditating is a choice. I can show up for me, or I can show up for everyone else. I can have a good mixture of both, but if I’m stressed out because I’m too stretched thin, that’s because of my poor decision-making.

Minimizing my life both physically and emotionally has made it easier for me to scale back and focus on the things that matter most in my life. My life is full with some amazing people in it, and those are the same people that I can be open and honest with, letting them know that no, I can’t meet for coffee, or dinner, or hang out with the family because I’m making myself a priority.

Powering down is pretty hard when you’re a Type-A person like myself, but it’s essential. Life can be as stressful and as crazy as we decide we’re going to let it be. As for me, I’ve made some difficult decisions, but every single one of them has been optimal and forward-moving. I hope you’ll make some of the same choices if you’re finding yourself stuck in a crazy, chaotic space in your life, too!