Couples books can be a great form of marriage therapy!
Every human on Earth wants to feel heard, seen, and appreciated. We choose close friendships and partnerships based on the desire for intimate connections and companionship.
We want to do life with people who help us feel like we matter. It is essential for humans to feel as if we belong to something greater than ourselves.
Intimate partnerships should be among the deepest friendship bonds we have with another human being.
Relationships take work, and as I’ve told my husband on occasion, “You can’t tell me on a Tuesday that you love me and expect it to last until Friday.” That is, keep up with the little things that keep your relationship in tip-top shape. As I tell my clients, “That’s in the contract.”
In the early days of my 23-year relationship, I wondered what it meant when people warned, “Marriage takes work.” I found out the hard way when my marriage almost failed, 10 years in. I not only helped save my marriage, but now I help others save theirs as a relationship counselor.
Couples & Marriage Books to Keep the Home Fires Burning
Below are six therapist-recommended couples books every couple should read to keep the home fires burning:
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
Dr. Sue Johnson teaches couples about “demon dialogues” and “revisiting a rocky moment” as well as how to manage through resentments. My top choice!
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
My second favorite book. This one is chock-full of exercises that help get marriages back on track and connected. As a Gottman-trained psychotherapist, I suggest using these materials as jumping-off points for a more in-depth conversation. They won’t create a deep connection in and of themselves, so read “Hold Me Tight” first, then read “Seven Principles.” I suggest getting a notebook for you and your partner to use as you go through this book’s exercises.
Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships by Dr. Sue Johnson
Can you tell I’m a Sue Johnson fan? That’s because she is one of the only authors that touches on the attachment bond and the actual science of love. This book is a must-read if you ask yourself, “Why does my partner do that?!” In other words, it’s for everyone. 
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
In this popular book, you’ll read about your love language and the love language of your partner, plus get tips to help you “speak the language” of your partner. If you’re short on time, just skip to the quiz at the back. There, you and your partner can take the Love Languages quiz. Then, read up on your partner’s love language for tips for meeting those love needs.
Read about Kids’ 5 Love Languages Here
Another “What is my partner thinking” book. Stan is an attachment-based therapist, just like Dr. Sue Johnson (and yours truly), which means he gives you a little glimpse into the science of love. A lot is going on in our brains when we’re trying to connect with our partners. This book helps us feel ourselves around our own and our partner’s minds.
Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
This is a lustful book for couples who struggle with a waning sex life. Yes, sex and marriage are a thing, even after the newness wears off. Perel shows how playfulness and sex are possible in long-term relationships.
