Balance Does Not Exist

Balance does NOT exist. 

In modern motherhood, that is. 

No matter how often “perfection” is ingrained into our social media-absorbing brains throughout the day, the reality is that perfection is a portrayal, not an attainable lifestyle.

The true beauty of motherhood cannot be defined by photos, but in personal experiences. The choice or inevitability of being a working mom or a stay-at-home-mom is a difficult one in any way shape or form. 

Staying at home can be monotonous, self sabotaging, and exhausting. Working outside the home comes with extreme guilt, added stress, and constant worry. Yet, no matter which path is lead, the idea that all things can be accomplished, that everyone is happy, and REM cycles are being executed each night without fail, is a complete M Y T H. 

“Clearly, there is a way to balance it all,” we insist. Sarah is always so put together, Katherine never misses a school performance or soccer game, Hannah always looks so happy and in the moment in her Instagram posts. I must be doing something wrong, right? WRONG! 

Admitting to ourselves that although we can always be aiming to improve as mothers, wives, and overall human beings, the end goal should not be to do it all. When you’re elbow deep in motherhood, the endgame should be to wake up each morning satisfied with yourself and the world you have created thus far. 

Maybe the emails didn’t get sent. Maybe the dance recital pictures didn’t get purchased (again). Maybe you ordered pizza for the second time this week while fresh vegetables rot away in the refrigerator because HOLY COW, life happened a little more than expected and you’re e x h a u s t e d from it. 

Has it been all work and no play lately? Are you feeling guilty that it’s summer and your seven year old has watched more Netflix movies in two weeks than you have in five years?

• • Guess what? It’s okay! That hard work is paying for a roof over your family’s head, the food that nourishes your child’s development, and that Netflix subscription that those kids most likely aren’t complaining about watching. {{Their brains need a break from the overload of school, too! Some nights my six year old’s homework wore ME out!}}

Have you been spending TOO much time with your kids lately? Are the long summer days dragging you into zombie-mom mode? Do you feel guilty that you’re not enjoying your children the way you thought you would as a stay-at-home-mom in the summer time?

• • Guess what? It’s okay! Quantity isn’t always better than quality, and long, hot days with littles drive most adult women up a wall (ME!). Don’t worry, though, summer will be over in eight or so weeks and fall will bring schedule changes that will keep everyone busy and more appreciative of time together. {{Unless you’re a stay-at-home-mom with LITTLE littles (say, ages three and under). In that case, the days will continue to be long and I’m truly sorry about that. I’m right in the middle with a school-aged kid, one starting part-time preschool in the fall, and a one year old at home with me. It’s going to be a longgggg time until the end of summer means an empty house for me, too}}

The point is, if you take a step back from wherever your life if right now, however crazy motherhood is making you, and you take the ideas of perfectionism out of your head, everything will seem a little less stressful. Taking a deep breath and telling yourself that notions of doing and having it all are exemplified simply to create a want, NOT an expectation. Striving for want does not allow you to live in the moment and enjoy the daily. It ultimately places an invisible load of “do it all and do it all right” on a person, which is extremely debilitating. 

To all my fellow women out there, from brand new moms to seasoned toddler wrestlers to pre-teen world navigators, please don’t be so hard on yourself. Let’s teach our children how to obtain the one thing every mother wants for her child: happiness.