I started out as a parent who denounced screen time. I told friends and family not to buy my child any kind of toys with batteries. I didn’t want to expose her to the world of screens until absolutely necessary. I wanted to enjoy my daughter before technology found its place in her life and took her attention away from me.
I was successful with this until she turned 2 years old, when she needed more than my attention to keep herself occupied. It started with the iPad.
We put a few educational apps on it so I could at least cook dinner uninterrupted. She used it about 20 minutes every other day. Then we put a few movies on it. And she started using it every day for more than 30 minutes at a time.
Then I got pregnant. And tired. The screen time was no longer monitored because I was too worn out and sick to even make a meal for my family, much less play with my daughter. I justified it by saying this was temporary. I was in survival mode. What could it hurt?
After a while, I had more energy to engage with my daughter and actually make a dinner, and the screen time went down without a problem. But then I got tired again in late pregnancy with the energy sapped out of me by my soon to be new bundle of joy. And the screen time went up. Way up. Like every day, whenever she wanted it.
She had free reign on it and knew how to navigate through the apps and start a movie. Again I justified it, this time telling myself she will have to know how to use an iPad anyway in Kindergarten. But as the saying goes, everything (good and bad) is best in moderation.
My daughter turned 3 years old right before I delivered my baby boy. She was becoming more independent, and this caused quite a few meltdowns. Ever heard of the threenager? It’s a real thing. My daughter started having daily meltdowns with attitude. I knew this was a natural part of her developmental growth (how can someone so cute be so irritating?!), but it seemed worse around discussions with the iPad. She started asking for it immediately whenever she came home and would cry, throw a fit, scream, and flail until she got it. I gave in a lot because I was a new mom again and I was tired. Trust me, I was TIRED of being tired. But I still allowed unlimited and unmonitored use of the iPad because I needed to get settled with the new baby.
So what was the straw that broke the camel’s back? Yes, the escalating tantrums, but also the YouTube Kids App. I thought this was a safe place for my child to watch kid friendly videos, but it’s not. Anyone can upload malicious material for your child to watch. My daughter was very much into Peppa Pig and there were some videos that we called “scary ones” because Peppa would have red eyes and spiders crawling all over her – obviously not kid friendly. I could have easily just removed the app, but I had hit my limit with the tantrums. The iPad had become my babysitter, and my daughter was mesmerized by getting whatever she wanted with the tap of her finger. It was easy to understand why she had become so impatient in other areas of her life.
Without warning, I took away the iPad and hid it from everyone, including my husband. I told my daughter it was broken and put more energy into doing creative activities with her. She continued to ask for the iPad every day, but the tantrums started to decrease. And within a couple of weeks, the iPad was completely out of our lives. It was no longer part of our conversations and our family was better for it. I felt reconnected with my daughter, she was calmer, and her learning of numbers and letters increased significantly with our other activities.
The moral of the story is that you can’t replace human interaction with a computer. They may be as smart, or smarter than us, but the real face to face time with your child is irreplaceable. I believe it helps them learn more than any computer can teach them. There’s no doubt technology is part of our society in many good ways, but it’s healthy to maintain limits with it.
As for now, I have no intention of resurrecting the iPad, but when that day comes I will remember that moderation is the best way to a healthy and balanced life.
Such a helpful post!