We’re moms. We put up with a lot. We take on a lot. We successfully wear a plethora of hats. We also complain about a lot. My favorite movie quote is: “I want you to want to do the dishes!” Just ask my husband. I’m completely guilty of riding the martyr train. I may even be the conductor on occasion. So, I completely understand nagging. I find it deliciously satisfying to mutter things around the house that pertain to the fact that I do it all and everyone else is incapable of making my life just a little bit easier. Then again, I like things the way that I like them and no one else can seem to do it right. Anyone else feel me on that one? There you have it. I’m a martyr. I grumble at my family because of my inability to ask for and accept help. I take on too much and then complain about it. I admit. The end. Sorry, family.
What I don’t understand is when we (as moms) get upset about certain comments “outsiders” make to us. I have seen numerous posts, blogs, articles, and overheard conversations berating verbal exchanges between strangers regarding what they consider to be offensive comments that truly appear completely harmless. To me, it’s one thing to complain about your partner in a situation that was completely elective (i.e., choosing to have kids), but I think it’s a waste of time to get our panties in a twist over someone offering an innocent conversation-starter.
Are these really offensive comments?
“Boy, you sure have your hands full!” Why do we hate hearing this so much? I mean, yeah, chances are we DO have our hands full with kids, pets, groceries, backpacks, toys all day, every day. I get this comment at least once a day while I am simultaneously walking my three dogs, pushing a stroller, and talking on the phone (with earbuds). I take this as a compliment, because yes, sir, I DEFINITELY have my hands full, and I am ROCKING it. Thanks for verbalizing how awesome I am!
“When are you going to have another one?” There are variations to this question, but in general, it’s not meant to be offensive, either. Some people are one and done, others want a football team. I’ve asked friends and acquaintances on many occasions if/when they are going to have another. Sometimes it’s just to strike up a conversation to avoid awkward silence and other times I am genuinely curious. Does that make me a bad person?
“Was he/she planned?” Nope! We like to live on the wild side. Stay tuned for future accidents. I mean, seriously, don’t take someone’s ability to be nosy so personally. We have too much else to worry about.
“You look tired.” Thanks, I am. I’m not too pleased it’s showing on my face. But hey, as my grandma always said, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead. I’ve got too much living to do!” Yeah, okay, this one can be a little rude, depending on who says it and their tone of voice. However, some people just don’t have a filter. Let’s move on.
“Your daughter is so adorable!” I recently read this one in an article pertaining to the most annoying things people say to moms. It was listed because this particular mom also had her son with her and she was livid that the individual didn’t address the son as well. Really? You took the time to write about this? Mind. Blown.
There are so many articles on what NOT to say. Sorry, but not everyone understands us. Moms stick together and moms “get” other moms, but we need to stop worrying so much about what others think and/or say to us. We are warriors, so why do we get so easily irked by others’ words that are, for all intents and purposes, harmless? Maybe it’s the lack of sleep that makes us more irritable. Maybe they don’t know what to say. Not everyone gets the opportunity to be a mom and not everyone wants to be.
There are plenty of truly awful things people in this world verbalize to moms, non-moms, and others in-between. And, of course, if I ever hear someone shame a mom in regards to breast or bottle feeding, I’ll personally slap them from here to Tuesday. Overall, I think that less worrying and complaining about offensive comments will save us some gray hairs and fine lines in the long run. What do you think?
