Ten-and-a-half years ago, all I could fathom was seeing him for the first time. Would he look more like his dad? Would he have my features? How would the whole nursing thing go for us? Will I be a complete mess for his first vaccines? How will we handle having a baby for the first time ever? What will his first word be? What about his first foods? When will he begin rolling over/crawling/walking? I had tunnel vision for all those FIRST moments.
I never once thought about our lives later—beyond newborn baby smells. It never really crossed my mind that FIRSTS go way beyond that first week with a teeny tiny baby, that first month of trying to get some kind of routine established, or that first year that seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. But guess what? Firsts keep happening.
Dear Mom of that former teeny tiny baby,
As cliche or as honest-to-God truthful as it may be: the days are long but the years are short. But do not fret. That baby you once upon a time held on your chest who needed you for literally everything: love, nourishment, support…he still needs you. He may sometimes show you in the most reprehensible of ways, but he 120% still needs you.
He’s currently at a place in life where he wants complete independence but isn’t too sure about responsibility. Do not feel defeated at parenting during this stage. It’s not anything like when one day he didn’t walk and the next day he did. Parenting a pre-teen is a season in life. We go through MANY of those. And like many seasons that posed a challenge, so does this one. But there is so much to look forward to as well! Little by little, he’s turing into an adult (the process is slow, but it’s happening).
Your conversations have shifted and although you promised yourself that you would NEVER be your child’s “friend,” you find that in this day and world we live in, a part of you DOES have to be his friend; to serve as that safe place of non-judgement and peaceful support. You find out the thoughts that cross his mind that he may be too embarrassed to say in front of his classmates and friends. You have to walk a very tight rope and be careful not to cross the line too much this way or that. You get asked the hard questions, questions that stun you at first. 
Gone are the days of baby breath. Say HELLO to body odor!
Gone are the days of sleepless nights as you figure out sleep training. Say HELLO to sleepless nights because the pressures of a pre-teen are too REAL.
Gone are the days of staring into that sweet infant’s eyes once they can finally keep a gaze. Say HELLO to being told about his first crush.
Gone are the days of stumbling to walk. Say HELLO to stumbling to talk about sex.
Gone are the days of crying as you drop him off at his first day of Kindergarten. Say HELLO to pondering his first days of middle school, high school, and college.
Do not be sad that those precious FIRSTS are over. In fact, be happy that you have those beautiful memories. The relationship between a parent and a pre-teen are pivotal. Use this time wisely. You’re forming a relationship with someone who understands much more than you’d ever imagine during a time when information is so readily available at his fingertips. Be present. Communicate. Don’t judge. Respect. Love him (and speak it often).
Sincerely,
Mom of the stinky pre-teen whose love surpasses anything imaginable
