This is the second post in a two-part series titled Is your Home a Haven for Your Family? Part one focused on turning your home into a refuge for your children. Part two will focus on how to create a refuge for your husband and for yourself. I recommend reading part one before diving into part two.

As I mentioned in my first post, a few years ago I felt like things outside of my home were spiraling out of control. Consequently, I started to question whether my home was a haven for my family to take refuge from the harsh realities of the world today. I wanted my husband and kids to look forward to coming home every day, and I also wanted to make sure my home was a place for me to relax and recharge. So I went on a mission to create an atmosphere in my home that was a haven for my family. Here is how I addressed creating a refuge for my husband and for myself.

Creating a Refuge for Your Husband

With children we often have to make assumptions as to what makes a home feel like a refuge for them (see part 1). But thankfully with our husbands we can just ask. So take time to sit down with your husband and discuss what would make your home feel like a haven to him. Make coming home the bright spot in his day, something he looks forward too. For example, when he comes home from work what would he prefer? 

• A tidy house with toys picked up and dishes cleaned?
• A hot dinner waiting on the table?
• An excited wife who is dressed, hair combed, a little make-up on, ready to hear about his day?
• A little time to decompress?

Not only was I surprised by my husband’s answer, but it made the hour before he came home a lot less stressful. I could focus on getting dinner made and not worry so much about picking up every last toy. Because let’s face it, cooking spaghetti, while trying to make myself presentable, and scrambling with my children to clean up, was anything but a haven.

Creating a Refuge for Yourself

While it’s important to create an oasis for your husband and children, it’s also very important to create one for yourself. We all know the saying, “happy wife happy life.” Your emotional well-being has a huge impact on your family. If you feel calm, relaxed, and happy, this will overflow into the atmosphere of your home. Nobody, husband and kids included, wants to come home to someone that is grumpy, nagging, and all together miserable. So what makes your home feel like a sanctuary to you?

• Do you like fresh flowers? Candles burning? Or music playing?
• Do you prefer counters to be clutter free and toys be put away?
• Do you like beds to be made and dirty clothes in the hamper?
• Do you need to schedule alone time to decompress?

You will likely not be able to tackle everything on your list, so prioritize what would help you feel more relaxed, then brainstorm how to get it done. If you like fresh flowers, add those to your grocery list. If you prefer toys to be put away or beds to be made, teach your kids how to pick up after themselves. If you need alone time, talk to your husband about how to fit this into your schedule.

In today’s chaotic world, the stresses of everyday life can quickly become overwhelming. My hope is that we can all intentionally create our homes into a haven for our families. So after that hard day of work, our kids, husbands, and ourselves, have a place to unwind, relax, and find refuge.

How do you make your home a refuge for you and your husband?