There is a divide with a lot of parents, friends with kids and friends without kids.
I know for myself I feel like I’m always isolating one group or the other. Your friends without kids feel like you have abandoned them and all you do is socialize with other parents and talk about kid stuff all the time. On the other hand, your friends with kids feel like if you go out with your friends without kids then you are a rebel and neglecting your children. I will be honest, I would secretly judge people who brought their kids with them when they went out with friends. Why can’t someone watch them while you go out to eat or why is your child going to the movies with you at night? Children change every part of your life and sometimes they have to come along for the ride.
I never understood why our friends with kids never could go to dinner with us on Friday nights. It was our weekly tradition, dinner after a long work week and usually a fun night out of bowling, movies or just hanging out. I am 31 and my group of friends are either married with kids, married without kids (but planning on kids) and a few single people not ready to take the leap yet.
After having my first child this year, I now understand why they couldn’t come. For our family anything after 5pm is now a challenge. Our son, even at 6 months old is accustomed to his routine and breaking that routine can cause chaos. Dinner, bath, story time, bedtime; that is now our nightly schedule and we stick to it. Don’t be mad at your friends that have kids and can’t make dinner and a movie. Instead realize that their lives have changed and those nights might not happen as often without a babysitter. Try to be accommodating because transitioning from adult life without kids to adult life with kids can be challenging. Parents, also remember that you are still an adult and had a life before kids and once in a while let loose and let the someone watch the kids and take over for the night. Friendships are important for our sanity as parents and we need to remember that these relationships are there to enrich our lives and hopefully make lasting memories for our children as well.
Here are some ways to maintain those friendships and keep everyone involved:
Suggest a potluck lunch or dinner at home. Kids can be in their home environment and the parents can still follow through with their nightly routine and get the kids to bed. After they are in bed, adults can eat and enjoy a night in with friends.
Do lunch instead of dinner. You can still have your group meals, but just do it during lunch time and include the whole family.
Plan activities that are fun for adults and kids. Plan a picnic and bring kites and bikes for the day so that everyone can enjoy.
Switch off babysitting other friends kids so they can have a date night. You accomplish date night and a playdate all in one evening which is a plus for any parent. The trust you build will make your friendship even stronger and hopefully make your kids life long friends as well.
