Missing “Normal Parenting”

I make a point to get up each day at 5:30am when my husband goes to work so that I can steal a few precious minutes for myself. Some mornings I am successful, other mornings I hear little feet creep down the steps. This morning, as I got into my study, the author asked a very important question: “What loss of something or someone has brought you closer to faith?” Every once in a while, my mornings with this book really hits me hard and this was one of them.

Before I even realized what I was writing, I looked down and read the words I’d written: “the loss of ‘normal parenting.'” Now I realize that this is a statement that can be taken many ways. What is that saying about the eyes of the beholder? But for me, for me, these five words felt like a huge realization. Who knew so much could happen within one’s self before 6:30 in the morning!

If you have read my previous posts, then you know my parenting journey with my oldest son has been the single most challenging experience in my life. He is an incredible kid. He has a mind that is well beyond his years. He has a personality that sucks you in and charms you. He wiggles his way into everyone’s heart. But he is exhausting. He is a full- time job. He makes me question myself and my choices multiple times a day. I am always wondering if we are meeting his needs and helping him become his best self. All that to say that being his mom is so dang hard, harder than I ever imagined being a mom would be.

So when I say that I am mourning the loss of “normal parenting,” I mean that everything I imagined being a parent would be is different with Harrison. And the older my other two kiddos get, the more “different” I realize Harrison is and the more different I realize that our parenting needs to be with him.

Because, like every parent, all we want is the best for our babies. We want them to be their most successful selves. We want them to grow into independent, strong, kind, loving, and amazing adults. Because we know they can. And for each of us that means meeting them where they are. Right where they are in their current stage of life.

For Harrison, meeting him where he is, is a daily challenge. And I realized on that dark, chilly morning in December, that a little bit of me was unknowingly holding onto this idea of “normal parenting.” I realized as this weight lifted that there is no such thing as “normal parenting.” And that although parenting Harrison will never be what I “thought” it should be, it will be exactly what it needs to be.

I honestly can say that I am a better person, a stronger person, and more in tune with myself and my faith after becoming Harrison’s mother. I am learning what I need to be as his mom, and I am forever grateful for these lessons and self-reflection because it is helping shape me into the best version of myself, which my husband and kids deserve.

So no, I do not mourn the loss of “normal parenting” anymore. I embrace this path we are on and I am thankful every day that I have moments like this, even in the wee hours of the morning, that allow me to realize just how fortunate I am as his mother.