Humans are born to compete. Even the least competitive people find themselves in some form of competition. Everything in life can be made into a game with some sort of winner. Whether we are faced with a team or personal competition, we need to be equipped with the tools to handle ourselves well. We recently have begun playing board games with our three year old and it has become very clear to me just how important it is to teach them how to be a good winner. Here are a few ways we as parents and role models can teach our kids the power of our words and actions.
- Use the game as an opportunity to reflect. Ask your kids questions like: What did we learn from this win? What did we learn from this loss? How do you think you handled yourself? Brainstorm gracious things they can say/do for someone when they win, as well as “good sportsmanship” things when they lose.
- Make sure that you end every game with handshakes, high fives, eye contact, “good games,” and compliments. Whether you win or lose, it is always important to help your kids notice the hard work of others and compliment them on it. It also teaches kids to respect others and their achievements, no matter if your child is the winner or loser.
- Set up opportunities for them to experience wins and losses. When they win, congratulate them, and when they lose, give them the tools to cope. Let them know they will lose again, and that they will also win again. Tell them about future events/challenges they will face in which they may win, but also may lose. The key is to let them know it’s okay to lose. It is how we conduct ourselves after that matters. If you need some ideas for fun games to practice these tips, hop on over to Sarah’s list of games. Focus on and constantly remind them that the point of playing anything is FUN. Sports, board games, silly made-up games, grades, academic competitions, whatever it is: the goal is not to win, but to HAVE FUN. If you are not having fun, then what is the point of playing? Life comes hard and fast and it’s often not pretty; they need to be equipped with the tools to make the most of everything and enjoy doing it. That saying “winning isn’t everything” really carries so much weight.
- Be a role model. They are always watching us. If you show them what a humble and gracious winner looks like, they will strive to be the same. If you show them a sore and sour loser, they will exhibit those same behaviors. Take it a step further and use others’ actions as teachable moments. If you notice a character in a movie making a good or sad choice, point it out and talk about it. Ask your kid what they would have done differently. The same can be done at sporting events – look around and find the fans who are being good/bad sports. Show your kids how they handle themselves, point out how others view them as well. No one likes to be around the angry, shouting, ugly person.
Here are a few children’s books that can help teach them how to be good winners:
- Berenstain Bears Play A Good Game by Frank J. Sileo
- Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns About Sportsmanship by Howard Binkow
- Sally Sore Loser by Frank J. Sileo
- Winners Never Quit by Mia Hamm
- Good Sports by Jack Prelutsky
- Pete The Cat: Play Ball by James Dean
