Here we are, mamas. Two full months into this uncharted territory. As I sat down to write this post, I really wondered what I could say here that hasn’t already been said.
I’m not going to give you any color-coded routines or ideas for home learning or reminders to take care of yourself today. There will be no encouragement here to clean out closets or try a new workout routine.
Your plate is already overflowing. I get that.
What I do hope to give you today is the freedom to let go of some of the new pressures we’re putting on ourselves at home.
So here are a few hats I’m taking off during the remainder of this pandemic. If you need someone to give you permission to do the same, please consider it done.
Pants Patrol: No
Lean in. 67% of my children are boys. If their personals are covered, we’re pretty good here. I can no longer be responsible for giving lessons on why black and navy are a bad pairing. Bathing suit bottoms can absolutely be shorts today.
If you really want to prove you love me, just stay in pajamas for a full 24 hours. It cuts down on the laundry, conserves water, and is one less fight I have to referee today. It’s a win all around.
Food Police: No
We all know that I’m never one to police what my children are eating. But in peace times, I do tend to follow the mantra that my job is to offer food, and their job is to decide whether or not to eat it.
However, that is usually followed by a school drop-off, basketball practice, or 7pm bedtime. These are not those times. While I’m not encouraging my children to overeat, I’m also not willing to fight the snack monster for 12 hours a day.
Yes, they’re eating because they’re bored. But, really, FOOD IS ALL WE HAVE LEFT. So let them eat the goldfish. Throw in something colorful that grew in the ground a couple times of day for balance and call it good. It will all work itself out in the end, I promise.
Marie Kondo: No
I had high hopes for a pristine and organized home when this all started, but that quickly went downhill. I learned the hard way that trying to declutter with all the people at home is like trying to vacuum white carpet while a squirrel eats an Oreo in your wake.
There is literally no point.
Every cabinet I attempted was seized by the child who couldn’t possibly part with those toys she never plays with but suddenly loves. That dress that’s two sizes too small with the tags still on? She swears she’ll wear it. Someday.
This one is a no from me.
Screen Time Spy: No
SCREENS ARE NOT OUR ENEMIES, MAMAS. Let me say that again. SCREENS ARE NOT OUR ENEMIES.
Is nature better? Of course. Is exercise better? Obviously.
But let me clue you in on something you may not think about…your kids probably spend A LOT of time at school on a screen. You may think your Kindergartener is spending seven hours a day writing her letters in shaving cream and completing addition worksheets with manipulatives. This is not true.
My second grader can navigate a Chromebook and Google classroom FAR better than I can. And it’s not because it happened naturally. It’s because he uses technology all day long at school.
Eight hours a day of YouTube? Maybe not. But we all need to come out of this thing alive, so throw on that third hour of “Bluey” if it quiets your toddler enough to get your Zoom call done.
If you feel the need to make it educational, throw on some “Team Umizoomi” for a math lesson and “Super Why” for reading. Level it up by throwing on the closed captions if you’re feeling fancy. Just whatever you do, stop fighting it!
Daily Cheerleader: No
I am absolutely a hustler and optimist by nature. I’m an Enneagram 3, and I like to get things done. I like tasks and feeling accomplished. I love encouraging others to move forward and stay positive.
Most days, I can find the good. But every now and then, I need to just bury my head in the sand and be sad. If that’s you for a day or two, IT’S OKAY. You don’t have to plaster on a smile every day if you can’t.
We’re living through some of the hardest times we’ll ever know, and you aren’t going to find joy in every little thing. Give yourself the freedom to feel sad or mad or frustrated sometimes. Let yourself grieve what we’ve lost. And let your children do the same.
The bottom line: sit your Judge Judy down.
At the end of the day, I’m my biggest critic. I can berate myself for letting my oldest spend too much time on the iPad, blame myself for my “spirited” child’s outbursts, and cut myself down because I binged Ozark so long that my leggings have couch lines.
But I’ll tell you this: if I ever heard one of my friends cut herself down IN A FREAKING PANDEMIC the way I do to myself, I’d lose it.
So if you’re there, let me be the first to set you free.
There is no judgment of your parenting in a pandemic.
There is no judgment of your homemaking skills in a pandemic.
There is no judgment of your self care in a pandemic.
If you can’t cut yourself some slack and forgive some minor indiscretions when a virus has literally shut down life as we know it, when can you?
