Like a punch to the gut every June, Father’s Day arrives. For those of us with an estranged relationship with our father, this day can be emotionally challenging. As mothers, we can feel resentment and jealousy towards our children’s fathers as a result. Here are five ways to make that day slightly easier.
>> RELATED READ :: How to Survive an Abusive Father <<
1.) Do something that makes YOU feel great.
Celebrate YOURSELF! Go for a hike, make a spa appointment, read, spend the day shopping, treat yourself to a tasty treat, or spend time with friends. Anything you can find that makes you feel good. I usually spend this day with my kids finding a pool or lake to swim in. I can sit in the sun and read and it makes me feel happier.
2.) Know you are NOT alone.
Find others who have a similar relationship with their fathers. There are many Collin County support groups and therapists who can help.
3.) Focus on reflection and gratitude.
When I feel upset about my estranged relationship with my father, I try to focus on the positive moments we had together. My father and I went gigging when I was a child. (Gigging is a form of spear fishing done in shallow salt water at night time.) He taught me how and we spent countless hours in the quiet salt water marshes of South Carolina. After more than 10 years of not speaking, I am grateful for those moments with him as a child.
4.) Stay off social media.
All of the happy smiling families with their fathers can cause you to spiral and increase your depression. It’s best to just stay off all together on Father’s Day.
>> RELATED READ :: An Open Letter to My Late Husband for Showing Me How to be a Good Dad <<
5.) Feel your feelings.
Your emotions of anger, jealousy, and sadness are valid. Write a letter or email and let loose. You don’t even have to send it to him.
Getting your thoughts and emotions out in words is therapeutic and provides a safe space for you.
I was brave enough to cut my father from my life more 10 years ago. I am incredibly fortunate to have a loving and involved mother, siblings, and husband. My mental health is much better now that he is out of my life but it isn’t easy.
I will always love my father. I wish things could have been different. One of my continuing motivational factors to not seeing my father again is my children.
Father’s Day is painful, but over the years I have gotten better at managing my feelings. Making art for my children’s father and planning a trip to the lake as a family on Father’s Day makes me tremendously happy for myself and my children. Their experience is positive and happy. And that makes what I am doing worth while.
If you or someone you know are experiencing domestic violence, there is help here in Collin County: Hope’s Door New Beginnings Center is in Plano and Life Path Systems in McKinney.
