Secure attachments to other humans are vital.
I want to bring to light how humans fare better with safe, secure attachments to people. We don’t do well in isolation — no person is an island.
Relationships are the foundation of good mental health. There, I said it.
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Three Types of Attachment
People with secure, healthy attachments, or relationships, generally fare better mentally and emotionally.
Conversely, those who struggle with attachments often struggle with relationships and don’t have much support through life’s challenges. They experience insecurity and distrust in relationships. This disconnection from others can diminish mental health and wellness.
Three major types of attachments can help us understand our specific relationship style and, hence, our mental wellness.
1. Secure Attachments
Generally, a person with secure attachments is not afraid of asking for what she needs, and she feels confident that she will get her needs met. A securely attached person isn’t afraid to seek out others when in need. Think of secure attachment as thinking positively about yourself and others.
A secure attachment style means you feel safe, loved, and connected to other people easily. When you feel confident with yourself and other people, you’re more likely to have healthy relationships than those with insecure styles.
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2. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment
An anxiously attached person often has a negative model of herself but a positive model of others. In other words, she isn’t afraid to seek others out when in need, but she often gets overly invested in relationships and depends on them for her self worth.
People who tend toward anxious attachment are clingy, need reassurance, and worry about abandonment. This can make them hyper-aware of their partner’s actions and prone to jealousy and controlling behavior.
3. Avoidant-Dismissing Attachment
An avoidant attachment style is someone who feels self-confident but skeptical of others. They avoid closeness and intimacy because it feels too scary. They seem dismissive to people around them. They have a positive model of themselves but a negative model of others.
In this style, a person distances herself from others and gets bored when someone tries to get close. She can also dismiss her partner’s feelings or needs, leading to relationship arguments.
Avoidant people evade intimacy in relationships because they fear rejection or being hurt by someone else. They tend to have low self esteem and may not believe they deserve any better than what they have now. They may also be more likely to cheat on their partner because they do not feel loved enough or supported enough by them. Avoidant people may even leave their relationship if things get too close or emotional because this makes them uncomfortable or anxious.
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Attachment Styles & Good Mental Health
Securely attached people tend to experience less anxiety over time. As a result, they have fewer mental health issues than those who don’t feel as confident with themselves or in the company of others.
In addition, they tend to have happy relationships because they can trust their partner’s commitment without worrying about losing them.
Insecure attachment styles develop poor coping strategies to feel close and loved. They have a hard time with emotional connection, yet they crave relational closeness like any other human.
Those with insecure attachment styles often exhibit loneliness (often mistaken for depression). Additionally, people with insecure attachment patterns can often be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and/or bipolar disorder.
Additionally, anxiety is often associated with insecure attachment patterns because these people often feel unsure of the status of their relationships or feel like they aren’t getting the love they want.
Earned Secure
Attachment patterns are not cut and dry, and there are environmental factors to consider when thinking of attachment style. Also, current research shows attachment style on a spectrum, which means you may be in the style, but just barely. Or you may be a lot insecure. The range of insecure attachment is often demonstrated through diagnosable criteria.
Consequently, it’s important to know your attachment style can change. (Whew!) For those who struggle in relationships and test in an insecure pattern, they can work to change how to trust and get support in relationships. Plus, increasing feelings of self worth will change an attachment style. This is called “earned secure.” Great news!
One thing I feel sure of is that we should all be aware of our attachment style. I encourage many of my clients to take an assessment that helps us create a baseline. Here’s one I recommend: “What Is Your Attachment Style?” For my clients, I like to know who and how they trust other people and how they fare in their relationships, overall.
Relationships are, after all, the cornerstone of good mental health.
This is fascinating.